Edit: I don't want anyone to feel as if I am attacking them or making them feel bad, I just wanted to express some feelings since it's overwhelming for me right now. 
I need to stop getting my hopes up. I finally have a stable-ish job to where I can save up for a Bagbean, but no matter what amount I offer, its never enough. I know I have a few toxes and a perfaunt, my ultimate goal in the group is to get a bagbean (hoping for a beanbean, nomnom, or floral), but I get so close and it always slips at the last moment. I got happy that i was possibly get a bagbean for my birthday as a present to myself, since it will be paid off 3 days before my birthday, but nope, it ain't gonna happen. I am about to cry because I always get my hopes up when I shouldn't. I am sorry for the rant, I just didn't want to message anyone in particular and most people ignore these anyway.